I remember a flight I took years and years ago with my 13 month old daughter. She cried, had a hissy fit, and generally annoyed all the fellow passengers. A flight attendant offered to hold her while I wiped the sweat from my face. Ever since then, whenever I see a screaming baby or toddler, I tell the parents I’m a nurse, and I offer to hold or distract the child. Empathy. It’s what matters.
Small airline, Frontier. Flying from Madison to Orlando. Lots of families and children. One baby, not quite 1 year old maybe, was howling. The flight attendant offered to take her. She walked that baby with that big "grandma" grin. I asked her about it. Yes, she is a grandma. Her daughter lives in London with her grandchild so she always loves being able to hold a baby for a passenger. She also told me she loves working the flights to Orlando because it has so many happy families. The flights she doesn't like are the ones to Las Vegas. Too many creepy men just looking forward to getting drunk, gambling and the other things that happen in Vegas.
We live in Orlando. Yes, lots of families looking forward to the trip. Maybe not as excited about their return flight? Maybe a lot like those creepy men slinking back home. 🤔
(Being a grandma I always offer if it looks like they need help. If not I make sure to let new moms know they are doing great, even if she is a bit harried by a less than perfect child in public.)
Our son (who survived and is now 40) was great during the flight, but screamed earsplitting bloody murder all the way down to landing because of the pressure in his ears. When we landed, he had a big smile and chirped, "It's better now!" and everyone on the flight cheered and applauded. Nobody offered to chuck him in baggage or kill any of us, but that was 40 years ago.
Oh wow! I was on a flight, going to my nephew's wedding in DC. Before the flight I felt a bit congested but not sick. But coming down into DC My ears felt like they would explode. I was doubled up in my seat. Through all the muffled sounds I could hear a small child screaming. I really felt for this poor kid. 😞 I kept telling myself, "I am an adult! I'm not allowed to scream!" In a way, I was screaming through this child.
It took 2 days before I could finally hear clearly. In time for the wedding. Return flight was better as I snorted some Afrin to keep sinuses clear.
After I got home I ended up with laryngitis. No noises I could make and no screaming either.
You are an empathetic person, Dale. Yes, I’m also a grandma now but I’ll always offer to help. I was on a flight from Chicago to Oakland once. They asked for any doctors and nurses on board who could help with a sick passenger. By the time I arrived, they had all the help they needed 💙
As a retired 40 yr industry insider (flight attendant), I can only say 100 % 🎯!! However, while I didn’t work for United, I’m pretty sure all the majors have the exact same playbook...
Industry insider here too (retired ground operations supervisor), and yeah.
There's nothing wrong with asking the person behind you if you can lean the seat back, so ask. Respect their wishes. You don't have to lean it all the way back if you don't need to, either.
When flying, I always carry a pair of headphones, ear plugs, and anything else I'm likely to need to have a peaceful flight. I used to love window seats, but advancing age has made aisle seats more practical for me.
Learn Zen-like patience. It reduces your stress level, since most of what's happening falls into what you can't change.
Treat all the employees and grow passengers like human beings, I.e. with respect and kindness. It goes a long way, especially these days. Pay attention to the pre-takeoff briefing. I do every time, even though I can open every door on an airplane in my sleep. (I usually quietly tell one of the flight attendants that I'm an able bodied volunteer in an emergency, too.) Make sure you know where the nearest TWO exits are and count the fucking seat backs to get to them. You may need that knowledge in the unlikely event things suddenly go to shit. (See what I did there?) If things do go to shit, LEAVE YOUR FUCKING CARRY ON SHIT BEHIND GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OFF THE PLANE! DON'T TAKE SELFIES UNTIL YOU'RE OFF THE DAMNED PLANE, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
United and American suck ass. The only airline I've never had a problem with is Delta. And as far as seat reclining goes, I wish they would just lock those fuckers in the upright position and leave them there. It's annoying as hell to have the back of some cockwaffle's smelly head right up in my nose piece. Makes it totally impossible to use your laptop or watch the TV on the seat back in front of you... even in First Class (stop hatin', James!)
I don't fly much but the seat recliner point... I was on a transatlantic flight with the worst possible moron in front of me. It reached the point where it became a battle of wills between his legs pushing backwards and my knees trying to keep his seat back out of my fucking face for 7 hours.
Gruesome and rude. Every time he got up he threw eyeball daggers at me which clashed with the ones I was tossing at him.
The ones who heave a sigh and thrust their seats back with all their might, spilling your coffee all over everything. I had one like yours--I pushed back the whole time.
Amen to the amen! I will say that I just flew on United and had a surprisingly pleasant experience. I was asked (nicely) by the flight attendant to change seats so a family could sit together. I obliged, and instead of sticking me where the dad had been, 10 rows up in a middle row, they put me in one of those emergency exit seats that has a TON of leg room. No broken guitars on this flight either. ;)
1000% agree on United. Since I live in the Seattle area, I'm fortunate to be able to fly Alaska for most things, and they are generally great. Oh and I HATE the people who jump ahead when deplaning - WAIT YOUR FUCKING TURN.
Another one I just thought of - when a flight is running late and a few people are in danger of missing their connecting flight and the crew asks everyone to STAY SEATED to let those folks off first. There are ALWAYS at least a few assholes who think they are extra special and jump up immediately to grab their bag and block the aisle. Those jackasses can inhale a big bag of dog farts.
“The person in front of me thinking their luggage goes into my foot space. I. DON’T. FUCKING. THINK. SO.” This happened with the older couple sitting in front of us in the first row. That is not how any of this works you weirdos.
Also the person behind me who takes my stuff out the compartment above my head and MOVES IT FURTHER DOWN THE PLANE so they can put their stuff in its place. I nearly got into fisticuffs with this particular fuckwad. Had to call the stewardess to resolve that issue. Un-fucking-believable! I still shake my head over that one.
Worse flight I ever had was on United, SFO to MCO. Started with a phone call early in the morning that pur flight was canceled. They booked us on a flight for the next day. Nope, my husband insisted we get a flight home TODAY. OK, there is a flight to Dulles with a connection to MCO. Great.
Get to the airport that plane is "broken", something about a cracked windshield in the cockpit. But they are fixing it. (Duct tape?) Waiting and then notice the flight crew leaving. They timed out or something. They would get a other crew in. We are told NOT to leave the boarding area and the woman was darn right snippy about it. It is the passengers fault that we don't board the planes in an orderly fashion.
We bad nothing to eat and I was stressed.
They couldn't fix the plane so they gave us the plane and sent the people who should have had that plane to some other far away gate. Plane had a different configuration. My husband, daughter and I were separated. I got plopped down between to guys in suits.
I was hungry (hangry) and ordered a wrap sandwich for $$$. Bad move. This brought on GI DISTRESS!!! I had to let something go go and felt it would be better in the tiny cubby they called a washroom than in my seat between these two businessmen. So I get up intending to stink up the washroom. I was doubled over in pain but finally made it to the back of the plane after waiting in a long line. Yes, some relief but not enough. Made it back to my seat. I just wanted to get off that plane! I kept eyeing that emergency exit door. I thought my two seatmates would probably help me open the door to shove me out and get some fresh air! But because I was in pain but not insane I didn't ask them to help me.
Eventually we got to Dulles and that connecting flight to Orlando. It left just as we arrived!
Spent the night in the airport and got a flight out the next day. But without our luggage.
I HATE UNITED! And I bet there were a lot of people who hated me!
Yes, yes and yes. Longer paragraph on gate crowders though… the second they call boarding everyone starts a line. WTF. Directly related to how much I hate carrying on luggage so we’re all in a hurry to find space. More resources for luggage handlers and let’s go back to checking everything!
Oof. Don't have much United where I am. But you could have written this about American. Delta seems less hellish. I know it unpopular, but I'm a Southwest guy.
I like Southwest, too. At least, I know what to expect. Delta has been hit or miss for us. United and American suck. I think they're having a race to the bottom in service.
Re: farting. It's as natural as having to pee, so why you gotta hate on the farters but not the pissers? That seems very unlike your usually fair outlook. And before anyone says "take it to the crapper", sometimes there isn't enough time to make it to the bathroom to contain the stink.
You forgot (or maybe have been lucky enough never to be trapped between) the lovely couple that both want the "good" seats, leaving lone traveller in the middle seat between them. It's such fun having the plentiful bounty of brought-from-home snacks passed back and forth in front of your face while you're just trying to work on your laptop or watch a movie. And the conversations between them ("Are ya sure ya told Biff where we keep Fido's treats?", "Are ya sure the sprinkler timer is set?"...) Blaaggghhhhh!
I'm fully on board with hating United. This summer, 9 people in our extended family (three kids under 11) flew from Houston to Vancouver and Anchorage and back. At the start of the trip we were delayed for so long that we were within 10 minutes of timing out. Apparently they had to CHANGE THE FRONT TIRE and didn't anticipate it would take long! Then, on the return trip, we had our reserved seats (fully paid for and booked months ahead) near the exit row bc my Mom-in-law has leg issues and can't be in the cramped spaces. United double booked our seats with some loud, bitchy, man child who tried to fight my 11 year old about getting THIS PARTICULAR window seat. We had to get the flight attendant to move him so my Mom in law could remain near my son. The rest of our group ended up scattered all over the plane. The man child got a much better seat but loudly bitched the ENTIRE flight bc the 11 year old took his seat. I was so filled with rage and tiredness that I cried the whole way off the plane. If I ever have to fly on United again, it will be too soon.
I remember a flight I took years and years ago with my 13 month old daughter. She cried, had a hissy fit, and generally annoyed all the fellow passengers. A flight attendant offered to hold her while I wiped the sweat from my face. Ever since then, whenever I see a screaming baby or toddler, I tell the parents I’m a nurse, and I offer to hold or distract the child. Empathy. It’s what matters.
Small airline, Frontier. Flying from Madison to Orlando. Lots of families and children. One baby, not quite 1 year old maybe, was howling. The flight attendant offered to take her. She walked that baby with that big "grandma" grin. I asked her about it. Yes, she is a grandma. Her daughter lives in London with her grandchild so she always loves being able to hold a baby for a passenger. She also told me she loves working the flights to Orlando because it has so many happy families. The flights she doesn't like are the ones to Las Vegas. Too many creepy men just looking forward to getting drunk, gambling and the other things that happen in Vegas.
We live in Orlando. Yes, lots of families looking forward to the trip. Maybe not as excited about their return flight? Maybe a lot like those creepy men slinking back home. 🤔
(Being a grandma I always offer if it looks like they need help. If not I make sure to let new moms know they are doing great, even if she is a bit harried by a less than perfect child in public.)
Our son (who survived and is now 40) was great during the flight, but screamed earsplitting bloody murder all the way down to landing because of the pressure in his ears. When we landed, he had a big smile and chirped, "It's better now!" and everyone on the flight cheered and applauded. Nobody offered to chuck him in baggage or kill any of us, but that was 40 years ago.
Oh wow! I was on a flight, going to my nephew's wedding in DC. Before the flight I felt a bit congested but not sick. But coming down into DC My ears felt like they would explode. I was doubled up in my seat. Through all the muffled sounds I could hear a small child screaming. I really felt for this poor kid. 😞 I kept telling myself, "I am an adult! I'm not allowed to scream!" In a way, I was screaming through this child.
It took 2 days before I could finally hear clearly. In time for the wedding. Return flight was better as I snorted some Afrin to keep sinuses clear.
After I got home I ended up with laryngitis. No noises I could make and no screaming either.
You are an empathetic person, Dale. Yes, I’m also a grandma now but I’ll always offer to help. I was on a flight from Chicago to Oakland once. They asked for any doctors and nurses on board who could help with a sick passenger. By the time I arrived, they had all the help they needed 💙
As a retired 40 yr industry insider (flight attendant), I can only say 100 % 🎯!! However, while I didn’t work for United, I’m pretty sure all the majors have the exact same playbook...
Industry insider here too (retired ground operations supervisor), and yeah.
There's nothing wrong with asking the person behind you if you can lean the seat back, so ask. Respect their wishes. You don't have to lean it all the way back if you don't need to, either.
When flying, I always carry a pair of headphones, ear plugs, and anything else I'm likely to need to have a peaceful flight. I used to love window seats, but advancing age has made aisle seats more practical for me.
Learn Zen-like patience. It reduces your stress level, since most of what's happening falls into what you can't change.
Treat all the employees and grow passengers like human beings, I.e. with respect and kindness. It goes a long way, especially these days. Pay attention to the pre-takeoff briefing. I do every time, even though I can open every door on an airplane in my sleep. (I usually quietly tell one of the flight attendants that I'm an able bodied volunteer in an emergency, too.) Make sure you know where the nearest TWO exits are and count the fucking seat backs to get to them. You may need that knowledge in the unlikely event things suddenly go to shit. (See what I did there?) If things do go to shit, LEAVE YOUR FUCKING CARRY ON SHIT BEHIND GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OFF THE PLANE! DON'T TAKE SELFIES UNTIL YOU'RE OFF THE DAMNED PLANE, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
United and American suck ass. The only airline I've never had a problem with is Delta. And as far as seat reclining goes, I wish they would just lock those fuckers in the upright position and leave them there. It's annoying as hell to have the back of some cockwaffle's smelly head right up in my nose piece. Makes it totally impossible to use your laptop or watch the TV on the seat back in front of you... even in First Class (stop hatin', James!)
Lack of courtesy, also possibly a sense of entitlement? Just Saying..
I don't fly much but the seat recliner point... I was on a transatlantic flight with the worst possible moron in front of me. It reached the point where it became a battle of wills between his legs pushing backwards and my knees trying to keep his seat back out of my fucking face for 7 hours.
Gruesome and rude. Every time he got up he threw eyeball daggers at me which clashed with the ones I was tossing at him.
Gaghhhh.
The ones who heave a sigh and thrust their seats back with all their might, spilling your coffee all over everything. I had one like yours--I pushed back the whole time.
I’m extremely passive aggressive and can refuse the seat back with the sweetest smile! 😎
With my knees up against the seat back.... 😒
Just Ignorant Morgan
You have them everywhere, unfortunately.
Amen to the amen! I will say that I just flew on United and had a surprisingly pleasant experience. I was asked (nicely) by the flight attendant to change seats so a family could sit together. I obliged, and instead of sticking me where the dad had been, 10 rows up in a middle row, they put me in one of those emergency exit seats that has a TON of leg room. No broken guitars on this flight either. ;)
1000% agree on United. Since I live in the Seattle area, I'm fortunate to be able to fly Alaska for most things, and they are generally great. Oh and I HATE the people who jump ahead when deplaning - WAIT YOUR FUCKING TURN.
Another one I just thought of - when a flight is running late and a few people are in danger of missing their connecting flight and the crew asks everyone to STAY SEATED to let those folks off first. There are ALWAYS at least a few assholes who think they are extra special and jump up immediately to grab their bag and block the aisle. Those jackasses can inhale a big bag of dog farts.
Amen on letting those with tight connections due to a late incoming flight off first. And fuck those who won't let them.
“The person in front of me thinking their luggage goes into my foot space. I. DON’T. FUCKING. THINK. SO.” This happened with the older couple sitting in front of us in the first row. That is not how any of this works you weirdos.
Also the person behind me who takes my stuff out the compartment above my head and MOVES IT FURTHER DOWN THE PLANE so they can put their stuff in its place. I nearly got into fisticuffs with this particular fuckwad. Had to call the stewardess to resolve that issue. Un-fucking-believable! I still shake my head over that one.
Arghhhhhh Juliana
Old man here , someone tried that on our flight, a lady grabbed the ass holes carry on, and moved it to the back if the plane, I shit you not!
Worse flight I ever had was on United, SFO to MCO. Started with a phone call early in the morning that pur flight was canceled. They booked us on a flight for the next day. Nope, my husband insisted we get a flight home TODAY. OK, there is a flight to Dulles with a connection to MCO. Great.
Get to the airport that plane is "broken", something about a cracked windshield in the cockpit. But they are fixing it. (Duct tape?) Waiting and then notice the flight crew leaving. They timed out or something. They would get a other crew in. We are told NOT to leave the boarding area and the woman was darn right snippy about it. It is the passengers fault that we don't board the planes in an orderly fashion.
We bad nothing to eat and I was stressed.
They couldn't fix the plane so they gave us the plane and sent the people who should have had that plane to some other far away gate. Plane had a different configuration. My husband, daughter and I were separated. I got plopped down between to guys in suits.
I was hungry (hangry) and ordered a wrap sandwich for $$$. Bad move. This brought on GI DISTRESS!!! I had to let something go go and felt it would be better in the tiny cubby they called a washroom than in my seat between these two businessmen. So I get up intending to stink up the washroom. I was doubled over in pain but finally made it to the back of the plane after waiting in a long line. Yes, some relief but not enough. Made it back to my seat. I just wanted to get off that plane! I kept eyeing that emergency exit door. I thought my two seatmates would probably help me open the door to shove me out and get some fresh air! But because I was in pain but not insane I didn't ask them to help me.
Eventually we got to Dulles and that connecting flight to Orlando. It left just as we arrived!
Spent the night in the airport and got a flight out the next day. But without our luggage.
I HATE UNITED! And I bet there were a lot of people who hated me!
My husband flies a lot for work. He calls the gate crowders “gate lice”
Yes, yes and yes. Longer paragraph on gate crowders though… the second they call boarding everyone starts a line. WTF. Directly related to how much I hate carrying on luggage so we’re all in a hurry to find space. More resources for luggage handlers and let’s go back to checking everything!
Amen!
Oof. Don't have much United where I am. But you could have written this about American. Delta seems less hellish. I know it unpopular, but I'm a Southwest guy.
I like Southwest, too. At least, I know what to expect. Delta has been hit or miss for us. United and American suck. I think they're having a race to the bottom in service.
THIS!! 👆🏼
The worse thing I experienced flying (before 9/11 rules) was the guy next to me eating cheese and salami on a transatlantic flight. May he RIP
Barf.
Re: farting. It's as natural as having to pee, so why you gotta hate on the farters but not the pissers? That seems very unlike your usually fair outlook. And before anyone says "take it to the crapper", sometimes there isn't enough time to make it to the bathroom to contain the stink.
You forgot (or maybe have been lucky enough never to be trapped between) the lovely couple that both want the "good" seats, leaving lone traveller in the middle seat between them. It's such fun having the plentiful bounty of brought-from-home snacks passed back and forth in front of your face while you're just trying to work on your laptop or watch a movie. And the conversations between them ("Are ya sure ya told Biff where we keep Fido's treats?", "Are ya sure the sprinkler timer is set?"...) Blaaggghhhhh!
I'm fully on board with hating United. This summer, 9 people in our extended family (three kids under 11) flew from Houston to Vancouver and Anchorage and back. At the start of the trip we were delayed for so long that we were within 10 minutes of timing out. Apparently they had to CHANGE THE FRONT TIRE and didn't anticipate it would take long! Then, on the return trip, we had our reserved seats (fully paid for and booked months ahead) near the exit row bc my Mom-in-law has leg issues and can't be in the cramped spaces. United double booked our seats with some loud, bitchy, man child who tried to fight my 11 year old about getting THIS PARTICULAR window seat. We had to get the flight attendant to move him so my Mom in law could remain near my son. The rest of our group ended up scattered all over the plane. The man child got a much better seat but loudly bitched the ENTIRE flight bc the 11 year old took his seat. I was so filled with rage and tiredness that I cried the whole way off the plane. If I ever have to fly on United again, it will be too soon.