You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices quicker than you can convince one man by logic. —Robert Heinlein Darth Vader voice: “If you only knew the promotional power of the dark side!” In the simplest of terms, there are a lot of people on Earth who are both biologically and culturally driven to want a certain thing. And yet they are denied that thing. And so, they may come to hate that thing. Their hatred was stoked by others using their denied desires as a crack in the armor of their humanity, in which to whisper toxic words of victimhood that fester into an-all-too-often murderous rage.
I really appreciate, as always, a male voice against the alarming anti-feminist backlash in the "manosphere," which I've been loosely following for a while. Thank you for writing this. You're also dead on the mark about "egalitarian" being a buzzword for anti-feminism...I've run into this, and been suckered into it, FAR too often.
If I may offer what I think is missing from this general conversation sometimes--we sometimes boil down incels as "losers who’d rather rail against the evils of women and feminism than admit that maybe their lives would be better if they tried just a little bit to not suck so hard at life." Certainly those who embrace incel ideology are very dangerous and toxic individuals, and they do exactly what you describe.
But I've noticed a trend to describe incels/MRAs/manosphere dwellers as only interested in sex. I think they PROJECT that image /due to patriarchal propaganda/, and that it doesn't necessarily reflect what men want (which you hinted at re: men hiding their attraction to non-thin women.) Men are humans, and most humans want some combination of hugs, cuddles, affirmations, kisses, sex, affection...connections. I've read many a desperate guy who can't get a girlfriend, and his focus is not on sex but on desiring connection and support.
I think men feel pressured to over-emphasize their desire to get laid, because /this fits the patriarchal narrative/ of sexual conquest being a measure of male achievement. I wonder how many men turn to PUAs from the starting place of wanting a girlfriend, but change their self-narrative to be about "getting laid" due to Manosphere influence.
My bottom line is that I think we, as feminist-minded individuals, need to do our best to scrub any connection between "can't get laid" and "loser." I got a slight hint of that connection in a couple excerpts. Because I seriously doubt that was your intent, I wanted to add my two cents.
Part of toxic masculinity is cultures where boys and then men aren't allowed to seek affection. I watch my 7 year old who needs to bounce off other boys to communicate. Talking about feelings makes him feel uncomfortable but he loves a cuddle. At the moment, he and his friends still feel comfortable giving each other hugs, but I can see the move to more fist bumps and posturing. I'm ok with both. I just hope his cohort can continue with hugs without being told it's not manly.
Humans need touch. Not just as babies, but all through our lives.
Re. The dodgy “Egalitarian” argument, didn’t Gloria Steinem say women will have achieved equality when mediocre women have achieved poaitions of power?
I really appreciate, as always, a male voice against the alarming anti-feminist backlash in the "manosphere," which I've been loosely following for a while. Thank you for writing this. You're also dead on the mark about "egalitarian" being a buzzword for anti-feminism...I've run into this, and been suckered into it, FAR too often.
If I may offer what I think is missing from this general conversation sometimes--we sometimes boil down incels as "losers who’d rather rail against the evils of women and feminism than admit that maybe their lives would be better if they tried just a little bit to not suck so hard at life." Certainly those who embrace incel ideology are very dangerous and toxic individuals, and they do exactly what you describe.
But I've noticed a trend to describe incels/MRAs/manosphere dwellers as only interested in sex. I think they PROJECT that image /due to patriarchal propaganda/, and that it doesn't necessarily reflect what men want (which you hinted at re: men hiding their attraction to non-thin women.) Men are humans, and most humans want some combination of hugs, cuddles, affirmations, kisses, sex, affection...connections. I've read many a desperate guy who can't get a girlfriend, and his focus is not on sex but on desiring connection and support.
I think men feel pressured to over-emphasize their desire to get laid, because /this fits the patriarchal narrative/ of sexual conquest being a measure of male achievement. I wonder how many men turn to PUAs from the starting place of wanting a girlfriend, but change their self-narrative to be about "getting laid" due to Manosphere influence.
My bottom line is that I think we, as feminist-minded individuals, need to do our best to scrub any connection between "can't get laid" and "loser." I got a slight hint of that connection in a couple excerpts. Because I seriously doubt that was your intent, I wanted to add my two cents.
Thank you again!
Part of toxic masculinity is cultures where boys and then men aren't allowed to seek affection. I watch my 7 year old who needs to bounce off other boys to communicate. Talking about feelings makes him feel uncomfortable but he loves a cuddle. At the moment, he and his friends still feel comfortable giving each other hugs, but I can see the move to more fist bumps and posturing. I'm ok with both. I just hope his cohort can continue with hugs without being told it's not manly.
Humans need touch. Not just as babies, but all through our lives.
Maybe “... that Peterson’s eyes were brown.” could be “that the whites of Paterson’s eyes were brown.”?
Oh I do like that better.
I'm so glad somebody else read Peterson's tripe so I didn't have to.
Re. The dodgy “Egalitarian” argument, didn’t Gloria Steinem say women will have achieved equality when mediocre women have achieved poaitions of power?