You bet your ass I got the AstraZeneca vaccine

I got that AstroGlideZeneca shit squirted into me and now I feel like a bag of smashed badger asses. And I couldn’t be happier. 

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor this is not medical advice follow the advice of your physician don’t fucking sue me. 

You want to talk blood clot risk? Fuck that. Fuck that for the same reason I’m not going to have a discussion about the insignificant risk of being trapped in a burning vehicle by my seatbelt. Do the math on comparative risk. It’s no contest. 

But isn’t AZ the crappy vaccine? Should you wait for a better one? This is a conversation worth having. 

My sister is 55 and was able to get hers last week. I was the one who told her to get it because she said, “Shouldn’t I wait until—” “NO!” I interrupted her. “[wife’s name] says get the AZ in you and do it now.” She got it the next day and it made her feel like shit too. 

Who is [wife’s name]? Some people know the name, but I try not to publish it cuz stalkers ‘n shit. Anyway, I’ve known her since she was 18, meeting her on her third day of university. I kind of fell in love right away. And I watched her go through a brutal biochemistry program and get straight As. She didn’t just get As, she usually got the highest mark in the class. And then med school gave her early acceptance after three years of undergrad because she’s so fucking stellar, and she went through med school in only three years, and there she was at the top of her class too, and at the age of barely 24 she was Dr. [wife’s name]. Then there was the family medicine residency and now she’s one of the leaders in the medical community and people really fucking look up to her. Not just me, but other smart doctors too.  

So, when the AZ was the first to become available to me, and she said to get it, I did not hesitate. I fucking got it.  

Maybe if I’d waited a month, I could have gotten Pfizer. My wife got Pfizer last week because she’s a physician. If I showed up for my shot and it was a buffet and they said would you like AZ or Pfizer I’d say gimme the fuckin’ Pfizer. 

But it was not a buffet, and there is no sense in waiting for the very best vaccine. Here is a conversation I had with my wife this morning:

Me: “Would you say that AZ is a good vaccine and Pfizer is a great one?”

Her: “No. I’d say that AZ is a really good vaccine and Pfizer is an amazing one.”

There you go. AZ is a really good vaccine. And it makes you feel like shit after the first dose. At least it did for me and my sister. Headache. Fever. Chills. Body aches. Tired but can’t sleep. Fuck this day. 

But worth it.

We’ve been avoiding Covid for over a year now, and I’ve been very careful and managed not to get it. Why not wait another month for the “amazing” vaccine? Couple of reasons. The first is that there is no guarantee that I’ll get Pfizer in a month. But even if there was one, I’d still have gotten AZ.

And the reason is that I’m fucking terrified. “Really good” protection is light years better than no protection. 

I’m not so worried about dying. That’s a possibility, but more likely is long-lasting, or even permanent disability. As many of you know, I’m a former fitness writer who is still big into fitness. A friend of mine was a competitive marathon runner who has written several popular books on running. And he got what is referred to as “Long Covid,” the fucking Covid that sticks around for months and wrecks your shit. 

I saw a post he made a couple of weeks ago about how right now he can’t even walk two miles. Who knows if he will ever fully recover? That scares the absolute shit out of me. 

And the thing about AZ is that it gives good protection against getting it in the first place after a single dose, but even if you do get it, you’re way less likely to get wrecked by it. So, even if I get Covid (after two weeks from now, once the vaccine takes effect), it’s probably not going to fuck my shit up too bad. 

I mean, so long as it’s not some fucking variant that are spreading around because anti-mask assholes that just have to go sing in church or some bullshit. 

What will change for me? Only one thing. In two weeks, I will breathe a sigh of relief. I will feel a bit safer because I will be safer. And that is the only thing that will change. I will not be altering my behavior at all. I leave the house to run, to cycle, and to get groceries. I wear a thick, snug-fitting mask and glasses in the store and give everyone a wide berth whether I’m inside or out. That will remain the same. In July I should be getting my second dose, and maybe my daughter and I will be able to visit my parents in August because all four of us will have had two doses. But we still won’t be going out anywhere. Not until we’ve got some herd immunity going on, and we know what’s happening with variants. As I wrote in this piece, it’s probably going to be into 2022 before we start to return to a semblance of normalcy, and even then Covid won’t be a hard stop. It will gradually wane over another year or two. 

“Terrible thing, to live in fear.” That’s a line spoken by Morgan Freeman’s character “Red” in The Shawshank Redemption. I’m just trying to live my life and stay safe and keeps other safe by not spreading this shit around. I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to be fucked up for years to come, or perhaps the rest of my life. 

And so, I am being cautious. I am being rational and following the advice of my graduated-at-the-top-of-her-med-school-class wife. Because I’m hoping I’ve got a few more good decades in me, and I’m looking forward to spending them with her. 

P.S. I didn’t get a Band-Aid yesterday, but I’d already posted my “getting the vaccine” shot to Facebook and Twitter and I needed a new photo for this post cuz algorithms ‘n shit so I totally wasted a Band-Aid and faked that flex photo. Here is yesterday’s action shot if you missed it. 

My new book On This Day in History Shit Went Down is now available at JamesFell.com.