The Last Supper

On This Day in History: April 1

Judas: “Hey, Jesus. When are we getting together for the Last Supper?” Jesus: “Uh, what do you mean by Last Supper?” Judas: “I meant supper. What time is regular supper?”

--On This Day in History Shit Went Down: April 1, 33--

Jesus walks into a restaurant and says, “Table for 26 please.” The server says, “Uh, I only count 13.” Jesus says, “Yeah I know but we’re all gonna sit on the same side.” Then at dinner Jesus starts waving around a chunk of bread and saying, “You wanna piece of me?”

Record keeping of the life of some upstart Jewish preacher was not so hot a couple of thousand years ago, but most scholars proclaim the Last Supper, likely a Passover meal, took place on April 1, 33, so let’s go with that. By the way, the term “Last Supper” doesn’t appear in the New Testament, but it is where the rite of the Eucharist originated with the eat me/drink me stuff he said about the bread and the wine.

At the end of the meal Jesus saw the bill and freaked out. “Who the fuck ordered all this wine?” Because he could turn water … never mind.

Okay so leading up to this, Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead—I’m just telling the story I’m not saying I believe this—and then everyone was oh wow cool Jesus is totally legit. And then what follows is the triumphal entry into Jerusalem and people gather and say fuck yeah Jesus we love ya, and the government is all ah shit another threat to our stranglehold on power. But first, they ate dinner. Supper. Whatever. I prefer to call it dinner.

Like with most everything else, the location is a subject of debate, but if you believe the tradition, you can visit it. It’s called the Cenacle and it’s an upper room in King David’s tomb. Except Dave isn’t buried there. So Jesus and his 12 apostles chowed down and Jesus said one of you fucks is gonna betray me, and everyone was like no way, and Jesus said Yahweh.

Then Jesus called out Judas as the traitor, but just how directly he made the accusation is a subject of debate. He was definitely direct with Peter when he said dude I know we’re friends but pretty soon you’re gonna tell everybody you don’t know me. Three fucking times! Peter said no man I love you but then he did as was predicted because Jesus got arrested and Peter was more concerned about covering his own ass. But then he repented and became a leader of Jesus’s church after his friend got the shit tortured out of him before going to a Nine Inch Nails concert.

Historically speaking, most agree Jesus had a final dinner with his apostles, but exactly what happened and what was said is anyone’s guess. Anyway, Leonardo da Vinci did a nice painting. Despite having visited Milan I didn’t get to see it. You have to buy tickets in advance and it was a last minute trip.

NOTE: This piece was researched and written by a human, not some bullshit “ai” plagiarism software.

Those who cannot remember the past need a history teacher who says “fuck” a lot. Get both volumes of ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY SH!T WENT DOWN.