The central repository of my motherfucking recipes
Okay motherfuckers, let’s talk motherfucking food.
I am, at best, a mediocre cook. And when people say I fucked up a recipe I’m all well fucking duh never said I was chef people read this for the story fuck off. And you keep seeing these memes and articles about “Google: show me recipe for fettucine alfredo” and then they get to the recipe and it begins with “When I was a teen my grandmother would rub my feet with olive oil . . .” and people always talking about how much they hate that shit but for some reason I was given a by probably because all my recipes had “motherfucking” in the title. I guess. It certainly wasn’t because I know much about how to cook. Although my wife seems to appreciate it. She fucks up Kraft Dinner.
Wait, is that a Canadian thing? Kraft Dinner is this boxed macaroni and cheese shit that is pretty hard to fuck up but my kids would always say “We like it better when Daddy makes it.” Except I’m not Daddy anymore, but just “Dad.” And not the good kind of “Dad” but more the you’re embarrassing and lame kind of Dad.
Where was I?
Motherfucking food. Yeah. People have asked me to write a cookbook, and I won’t say it will never happen but it’s not on the short-term schedule cuz I got history shit to write and I’ve done more writing in 2020 than I did in the previous three years combined, I’m quite sure.
Perhaps one day I’ll do a cookbook, but in the interim, this is what I got. People have been asking me to create a compilation of my existing recipes, so here you go. I’m not quite sure of the order, but I do know banana bread was first, and then later that recipe got changed a bunch, and cheeseburgers were #2. The most popular by far is the lasagna recipe, but that’s because of the story behind it, not because of the lasagna. Although people do seem to like it. The last one people considered a bit of a catastrophe and the photo that went with it is pretty disgusting and really it doesn’t taste that great and I should just delete it.
The enchiladas are good though, and the lamb stew is fucking amazing.
Eat This Motherfucking Banana Bread
Eat This Motherfucking Cheeseburger
Eat This Motherfucking Lasagna
Eat This Motherfucking Roast Beast
Eat This Motherfucking Turkey Dinner
Eat These Motherfucking Chicken Wings
Choke Down This Motherfucking Green Shit Because it’s Good for You
Eat This Motherfucking Beef (or Lamb) Stew
Eat These Motherfucking Chicken Enchiladas
Eat These Motherfucking Honky Tacos
Yeah I know I was a weight loss guy for a lotta years, but most of these are high calorie as fuck.