If Trump Returns to Twitter

I don't need that shit in my life

I have lost several hundred Twitter followers since yesterday; people really are leaving. Will I leave? It’s a tough call, because I make a not inconsiderable amount of money from Elongated Muskrat’s latest purchase, at least $10,000 annually. But I do have a line in the sand.

I have over 37,000 Twitter followers that took me 13 years to accumulate. I’m sure a lot are dormant / bots. (Twitter Audit says 87% are real). The money is certainly real, although most of my income comes via my Facebook page, where I have over 190,000 followers and where I engage far more.

I don’t much like Twitter, partially because I’m long winded and like to let my haven’t-taken-my-Ritalin-yet ADHD brain just go on a spew and Twitter says hey dude you’re out of room before I even figure out where I’m going.

Many say it’s really Facebook that is the cesspool, but not in my experience. It has better limits on anonymous accounts, and I can actually control what goes on with my page. If some asshole invades and begins to spew hate, I only have to block him and that’s that. On Twitter, if I block someone it doesn’t prevent that person from continuing to rally their (usually alt-reich) followers to keep the hate flowing.

Despite having a much greater reach on Facebook, I’ve not experienced a tenth of the hate that I get on Twitter. Jordan Peterson, his daughter, Matt Walsh, Jack Posobiec, Scott Adams, and many other right-wing fucknuckles have all unleashed their bigoted Twitter minions on me for the crime of having liberal opinions or daring to put pronouns in my bio. Dan Bongino, who fancies himself the new Rush Limbaugh, talked about me on his podcast and the Twitter hate was like nothing I’d ever seen. Some even made the leap to email. Read this piece to see one of the ridiculous emails I received.

Twitter is a rallying point for the bigoted right wing to spew garbage already. I imagine it’s only going to get worse under Musk’s leadership, because freeze peach. There is a real threat that Twitter is going to devolve even further if Elon does as he promised, because people refuse to learn the lessons of 4Chan and 8Chan, which revealed that unrestrained and anonymous ability to say whateverthefuck you want is not a good thing.

I mentioned a line in the sand. The title already tells you what it is. Trump has said he won’t return, not that he ever fucking lied before.

But perhaps it’s true, because money. Truth Social is another way for Trump to bilk idiots for his own financial enrichment. If Musk reinstates Trump’s Twitter, then I’ll have to see if Trump actually decides to start using it again. If we return to the bad old days of Trump using Twitter as his toxic brain waste dump, then I’m going to radically change the way I use Twitter.

I could make a stand and just delete my account, but it seems silly to give up several thousand dollars a year to make such a statement. Blowing up Yeti Coolers and burning Nikes and dying from a preventable disease to own the libs are things that the dumbfucks on the right do. But I won’t engage with Twitter if Trump is back there doing the same old.

I have a lot of content to share on Twitter that drives sales of my book On This Day in History Sh!t Went Down as well as paid Substack subscriptions. Speaking of:

That liberal content also serves as a counter to much of the far-right bullshit that permeates Twitter. And so, if Trump returns, I will continue to post semi-regularly on Twitter, and that is the only thing I will do.

I will not read replies. I will not read DMs. I will not look at what is trending. I will not look at my feed. I will not like or reply or retweet anything. I will only occasionally post, and that’s mostly because I’m not willing to burn my own Nikes or horse paste shit myself inside out instead of getting vaccinated. I shouldn’t have to lose a big chunk of money because Elon Musk has way too much fucking money.

This will cost me money anyway, because interacting on Twitter is what drives the clicks. So, it’s a compromise. I will log in for a couple of minutes a few times a week to use it solely as a way to broadcast my work and advertise my products, then immediately log back out. I will only broadcast. I will not engage on Twitter if Trump is engaging.

I don’t need that shit in my life.

Don’t forget to subscribe, and please buy my sweary fucking history book.