45 Comments
User's avatar
Sarah's avatar

Reading this piece aloud around the fireplace where the family has gathered post festivities. That is going to be our new tradition.

James Fell's avatar

I love this.

Patricia Elkovitch's avatar

Yes, with a jug of some hot mulled wine.

Kevin Grant's avatar

Ewww. Hot mulled wine is worse that launching a tactical nuke on Christmas. Nasty stuff!

Kevin Grant's avatar

Will this be followed by the airing of grievances?

Patricia Elkovitch's avatar

Mulled wine…….with NYState wine from a hippie winery (Inspire) along with apple cider and spices. I was skeptical when I tried it, but oh, it is really good. The right wine makes it.

Steven Paul Offord's avatar

British Christmas got a big input from German traditions due to our royal families being the same family.

Stephen Gold's avatar

"Anyway, fast forward to when smallpox helped wipe out the Americas to make room for the Jesus-folk." Would have loved it if my high school social studies teachers of 5 decades ago had been this candid about history!

Robot Bender's avatar

Has Whiskey Pete put a missile into it yet?

🌈 Lance Trottier 🌈's avatar

Maybe his drunken "missile"... Kinda like VD Dance and couches...

Glenn Fontaine's avatar

Wishing you and your family a blessed Winter Solstice.

Bad Bunny's avatar

I'm still perusing Luke trying to find that verse about Round John Virgin.

🌈 Lance Trottier 🌈's avatar

That was one of the three fat-assed Wise Guys that rode in on their asses... I mean camels... They were all high as kites from all of that incense they enjoyed...

Jedi Senshi's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

DW Davis's avatar

Christmas became popular among Protestants in America in the early to mid 1800s because of Christmas Eve Mass pageantry taking place in Catholic churches, drawing in a lot of Protestants for the show. Protestant ministers noticed and, in self-defense, began introducing Christmas themes into their December services.

Dale Rowett AR OK VA PA NY's avatar

James, I'm looking forward to tomorrow's email as evidence that you weren't struck by a bolt of lightning for writing this one.

Elizabeth's avatar

Such a wonderful piece to be saved and shared with everyone I know who can read “fuck” without wetting themselves! One thing - mistletoe is pagan so not part of the Christian version created by multiple councils of old dudes. The funny thing about the 25th is that Nicea, Constantinople, et al. only knew about the traditions in their environs, such as Jewish, Roman, etc. Then Christianity moved northward and damn if they didn’t find Yule, where we get the largest number of our Western Christmas traditions. Evergreen tree and garlands? Check. Mistletoe? Check. Singing around the fire and/or neighborhood? Check. Candles and lights? Check. Some of these were also part of Saturnalia (25 December, Natalis Solis Invicti) but we get so many of our traditions straight from the Germanic, Norse, and Celtic traditions it’s actually no surprise the Puritans won their War on Christmas for so many years!

🌈 Lance Trottier 🌈's avatar

I am fuckin' insulted by your fuckin' mention of the fuckin' word "fuck" in your fuckin' comment... I mean, fuckin' A... what in the actual fuck were you fuckin' thinking?

Elizabeth's avatar

I’m fucking thinking I could find a lot of friends through these comment sections! Happy Fuckin’ Holidays, fucknuggets! (To steal shamelessly from another favorite fuckin’ Facebooker!)

🌈 Lance Trottier 🌈's avatar

Fuckin' Happy Fuckin' Holi-fuckin-'days, back fuckin' atcha!

Hannah's avatar

Shut the fuck up I am trying to read this fucking thing fucker. Jesus fucking christ.

🌈 Lance Trottier 🌈's avatar

Fuckin' A, who's the fucker? For fuckin' Jesus Fuckin' Christ's fuckin' sake...

Fuckin' get fuckin' real, will the fuck you?

Gimme a fuckin' break...

🌈 Lance Trottier 🌈's avatar

I go my same name in FB... without the emojis in my name there.

Deb's avatar

This entire piece should be posted everywhere Holidays are $$$$. Plain and simple and disgusting.

The US is like a broken record. Power vs everyone else. Pour a glass and cheers to whatever you want to celebrate!

Cheryl's avatar

voluminously delightful :)

A.Gnosticthefirst's avatar

ex-mas

Hannah's avatar

and a fucking ex-mas to you.

Ethereal Fairy's avatar

Happy fucking xmas to you too!

A.Gnosticthefirst's avatar

I wish you the best of this fucking season

Patricia Elkovitch's avatar

Seasons Greetings everyone!

Deborah L Ovall's avatar

Happy Holidays backatcha!

Ethereal Fairy's avatar

Or "Seasons Beatings" from the S & M community cards!

Scott Oakman's avatar

Was repeatedly bombarded yesterday by ads celebrating "Happy Honda Days" among other commercial celebrations of the season. Where's the outrage? Or are they all boycotting the NFL for some reason already so that they don't have to see that?

Lisa DeGroff's avatar

We celebrate Happy Hyundai in our family... but to each their own.

Hannah's avatar

Finally, you included enough fucks for fucking me.

Ethereal Fairy's avatar

One my favorite movie quotes is from the Irish movie from the 90's "The Commitments" The one young guy says to the other is his charming accent "Fook you, you Fooking Fuck!"

Jeff Schwartz's avatar

Christopher Hitchens said it best, “Religion poisons everything”.

Happy Holidays everyone!