The Loch Ness Monster Photo is Published

On This Day in History: April 21

It’s referred to as “The Daily Fail” for a reason. The Daily Mail is a birdcage liner of a British tabloid with a long history of sucking. Hell, in the early ‘30s they proclaimed Hitler and Mussolini as awesome fellas. They don’t give a shit about veracity or decency, just pushing paper with anything that will make for a sensational story. “Hey! Look at this blurry photo. It’s not a crusty wank sock rising out of the water. It’s the Loch Ness Monster!”

--On This Day in History Shit Went Down: April 21, 1934--

This is one old fucking lake monster. Some monk in the 6th century wrote of a dude swimming in the River Ness, not the lake, who was allegedly attacked by a “water beast” and drowned. It’s worth noting that water beast stories were all the rage at the time. Kind of like sexy sparkly vampire stories started popping up all over in the 21st century.

There were a couple more sightings of what was probably just a log or some shit late in the 19th century, and then a couple more in 1933, and yet another in 1934. That same year a London gynecologist named Robert Wilson supposedly snapped the well-known photo that most associate with Nessie. The name Nessie, by the way, didn’t come about until the 1940s. Also, I tried to think of a gynecology joke to insert here, but I couldn’t hit the right spot.

Anyway, Wilson didn’t want his name associated with the photo, so it became known as the “surgeon’s photograph.” The Daily Mail published it on April 21, 1934. Many proclaimed it proof of the monster’s existence, while many others said aw come on it’s just a piece of wood or a fucking bird or something.

Many years later, a deathbed confession revealed it to be an elaborate hoax led by Marmaduke Wetherell, who had worked for the Daily Mail and been ridiculed by the paper for falling for a hoax surrounding his finding the monster’s footprints on the lakeshore the year previous. The footprints had actually been made as a joke using the dismembered foot of a hippopotamus turned into a fucking umbrella stand. Wetherell was all “I’ll show you a hoax, motherfuckers,” and involved a number of co-conspirators, including Dr. Wilson, to modify a toy submarine with wood putty to make their fake monster and snap a photo of it and sell it to the paper. It was basically all about exacting revenge on the Daily Mail.

Of course, there have been numerous additional sightings and photos and videos since 1934, but it’s logical to assume the Loch Ness Monster gets filed under “Doesn’t Fucking Exist.”

NOTE: This piece was researched and written by a human, not some bullshit “ai” plagiarism software.

Those who cannot remember the past need a history teacher who says “fuck” a lot. Get both volumes of ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY SH!T WENT DOWN.