The Four Seasons Total Landscaping Debacle

On This Day in History Shit Went Down: November 7, 2020

It took four days to call the 2020 U.S. Presidential election for Joe Biden, but Rudy Giuliani wasn’t fucking having it. So, on November 7, 2020, he held a press conference to challenge the results at the Four Seasons … Total Landscaping. Located in Northeast Philadelphia, with a dildo store on one side and a crematorium on the other, Rudy was stuck between a cock and a charred place.

--On This Day in History Shit Went Down: November 7, 2020--

It was a metaphor for the Manchurian Cantaloupe’s presidency. He did lose, FYI. You disagree? You’re in a cult. Biden got seven million more votes than Cadet Bone Spurs and took 306 Electoral College votes for a healthy margin of victory. Pennsylvania was one of the states that swung to Biden as absentee ballots were counted, but lapdog Rudy called bullshit on his deranged boss’s behalf, calling a press conference to protest. Trumpelthinskin tweeted it, saying the event would be held at the “Four Seasons, Philadelphia.” The hotel, a fancy one in downtown Philly, said no it’s fucking not. Nothing was booked at the 5-Star residences.

So, the sack of congealed spray tan deleted his tweet then later posted two others saying it was at “Four Season’s Landscaping.” (That apostrophe was his, not mine.) The Four Seasons Hotel also tweeted for clarity it was at the landscaping company, and there was “no relation with the hotel.” Being a bunch of lying fucking liars who always lie, the Jackass-o-lantern campaign bullshitted its ass off so hard it’s difficult to know the exact chain of events. The fuckup might have begun with Scooby Coup’s tweet about the location, and when the hotel said nuh-uh, his toadies scrambled for a face-saving solution, and rather than book a different hotel some genius said well he didn’t say the word “hotel” and there is this landscaping company in the sketchy butt-ass nowhere end of town called Four Seasons can we host it there? And they called the landscaping company and the place that specializes in lawns and gardens not corruption of democracy said yeah sure I guess. Or, possibly, an aide mistakenly booked the landscaping company, and rather than admit the error they ran with it. Regardless, a decisionmaker ultimately said do it in a landscaper’s parking lot next to a porn store and a place where corpses are turned to ash.

What a literal shitshow, with Rudy droning about election fraud while in proximity to actual bags of manure. Being Voldemoron’s main lackey, standing next to a pile of shit was nothing new for Giuliani. To add insult to hilarity, Giuliani put “witness” of alleged vote tampering Daryl Brooks before the cameras. It was soon revealed that Brooks is a convicted sex offender. The entire debacle epitomized the incompetence of the orange shitgibbon’s presidency, and non-Trumpanzee social media—hyperventilating from so many sighs of relief over legitimate news sources all proclaiming Biden as victor—had a fucking field day.

The owners of Four Seasons Total Landscaping, who proclaim to be non-partisan, cashed in bigly on merchandise, selling “Make America Rake Again” and “Lawn and Order” stickers and T-shirts.

Those who cannot remember the past need a history teacher who says “fuck” a lot. Get both volumes of On This Day in History Sh!t Went Down. The holidays are coming and they make great gifts.

This post is from Volume II. The cover: