The End of Nicolae Ceaușescu

On This Day in History: December 21, 1989

It was six weeks after the fall of the Berlin Wall. Nicolai Ceaușescu had ruled Romania with an iron fist for over three decades, and the people were sick of his shit. Romania had sided with the fucking Nazis in World War II, then were conquered by the Soviet Union and spent the next forty-five years behind the Iron Curtain. The east side of that curtain was the death of fun. Plus, lots of actual death.

--On This Day in History Shit Went Down: December 21, 1989--

When the Berlin Wall fell, many of the Russian satellite states were all you know what? Fuck this commie bullshit. We wanna be our own democratic countries. And it was largely a peaceful process. In what was then Czechoslovakia they called it a “Velvet Revolution.” Romania was the place where it was less about velvet and more about lining dictators up against a wall and firing several high-caliber holes into them.

With the fall of the wall, the Soviet Union said we’re outa here. They pulled their support from the communist regimes in Eastern Europe, and revolutions rapidly took place in Poland, Bulgaria, East Germany, Hungary, and the aforementioned Czechoslovakia. But Ceaușescu was all fuck that I’m not stepping down. Probably because he knew that staying in power was the only way for him to stay alive. Sort of like how Trump regaining power was the only way he could stay out of prison.

Anyway, protests were breaking out all over Romania because they too were sick of the dictatorial dicks running their country. Ceaușescu ordered his military to open fire on protestors in the city of Timișoara, and many died. Four days later, on December 21, 1989, the General Secretary of the Romanian Communist party wanted to prove to his people that he was still immensely popular, so he held a rally in the capital city of Bucharest. A lot of those people were forced to go to that rally at gunpoint, given placards, and told when to sing and when to chant. Sort of like how four days ago millions of Americans were forced to watched Alzheimer’s Adolf on Adderall go on a factually challenged tirade on live TV instead of watching the Survivor finale.

Anyway, the murderous commie dictator started his speech, and unlike Combover Caligula he actually had something dead on top of his head because it was winter. Ceaușescu quickly lost control of the crowd. Someone booed, then others joined in. The hecklers took over the crowd, and you can see in the video, which was watched live by most of the nation, the very moment when Ceaușescu realized oh shit I am so dead.

And he was. Four days later, on Christmas, he and his wife—who was just as shitty as her husband—were arrested by the nation’s provisional government while trying to flee the country. They were given a quick trial, put against a wall, and riddled with bullets by soldiers who had volunteered for the duty.

Nothing like that will happen in the United States. We’re gonna have to wait for the Big Macs to do the job. Come on, cholesterol!

Those who cannot remember the past need a history teacher who says “fuck” a lot. Get both volumes of ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY SH!T WENT DOWN. They make great gifts, and ‘tis the fuckin’ season. And don’t forget to: