ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY: September 29

The San Miguel Earthquake

Maybe if they had used the Agua Volcano to dowse the Fuego Volcano then central Guatemala might not have had such a rough go of it. That picture reveals a street I’ve walked down many times. It’s in Antigua, Guatemala, and in the background is el Volcán de Agua. If your Spanish is truly pathetic, “agua” means water. Please tell me you know what fuego means.

--On This Day in History Shit Went Down: September 29, 1717--

Agua got its name not because it blew people up, but rather drowned them. Agua didn’t do the kaboomy-explode thing while people were living in the area. The last time it blew it’s stack us mostly hairless bipeds were still on the other side of the land bridge. But I guess over time the crater filled with some water so like hey natural swimming pool at 10,000 feet elevation. But then on September 11, 1541, a devastating date for myriad reasons, Agua did a lahar.

A lahar is a slurry of mud and debris and, yeah, water. Shit came flowing down the side of the not-yet-named Agua Volcano and obliterated the Spanish capital city of Guatemala and then afterward people said hey let’s call it water volcano to honor it killing the shit out of us. The new city that was built upon the devastation was named the old city. Wait, what? Yeah, it’s called Ciudad Vieja, which translates to Old City. I’ve been there and I’m confused too.

I just wanted to tell that story so we could skip over to the fire volcano, which is nearby. Volcán de Fuego did a pretty massive kerblooie in late August of 1717, which was one of those harbinger of doom things. A month later, on September 29, 1717, was the San Miguel Earthquake. The lovely city of Antigua, which remains close to my master’s-degree-in-Latin-American-history heart, did not have a good go of it.

Oh I should mention that after the capital city was obliterated in 1541 by Agua, they moved the capital to Antigua, which didn’t get obliterated in the earthquake but the old Mayan gods were maybe getting some revenge on the Spanish for all that genocide by attacking its seats of power. Even the Royal Palace got kinda wrecked. Not the palace!

Anyfuckingway, as the earthquake was wrecking shit of course the logical thing to do was to go out into the street and loudly confess all your sins because this was obviously God’s vengeance for you sleeping with your neighbor’s wife.

That must have made the next day awkward.

Get my sweary fucking history book On This Day in History Sh!t Went Down.

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