On This Day in History: October 1
A bunch of shit happened
331 B.C.E. – On this day Alexander the Great absolutely wrecked the shit out of the superior forces of Persian Emperor Darius III at the Battle of Gaugamela via some fancy flanking deception that is still taught in military colleges today.
1553 – Mary I aka “Bloody Mary” was crowned Queen of England and being a Catholic she decided fuck this English Reformation my dad (Henry VIII) did so he could bang some other chick, I’m gonna set hundreds of Protestants on fire. She only reigned for five years, then Liz 1 took over.
1903 – The first game of the modern World Series of baseball was played between the American League Boston Americans and the National League Pittsburgh Pirates in Boston. Boston came from behind to win the best of nine series five game to three. Prior to that the AL was seen as shitty compared to the NL but since Boston kicked ass people were like hey maybe the AL doesn’t suck after all and there was demand for future World Series matchups and now those guys make way too much money for hitting a ball with a stick.
1928 – The Soviet Union introduces its first “Five Year Plan” for economic collectivization, and no greater public owning has taking place since, I mean until Ben Shapiro went on Twitter and said he was incapable of arousing his wife by proclaiming damp nethers to be a medical condition.
1957 – For almost two centuries the official motto of the United States was E pluribus unum, which means “Out of many, one.” And that’s sounds pretty good, but President Eisenhower fucked it up. Giving in to pressure from ChristoFascist crusading cockwaffle Billy Graham the president changed the nation’s motto to “In God We Trust,” and on October 1, 1957, it was put on all U.S. currency.
1989 – Academy Award winning actress Brie Larson was born on this day and later became Captain Marvel and a bunch of incels, including the aforementioned Ben Shapiro, couldn’t fucking handle it and review bombed the audience score on Rotten Tomatoes.
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That "in god we trust" colossal fuck up has disturbed me for decades. I don't believe in god, wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him if he even existed (because he's more than likely a handsy predatory prevert who catcalls and bullies women and girls while planning his next rape), and I resent being told who to trust.
James you and I both need to thank Jeff Tiedrich.
Reading these out loud to my husband right now.