On This Day in History: November 23

John Milton writes about free speech

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Just because you got blocked on social media doesn’t mean your freedom of speech was violated, you brainless invertebrate. Plenty of Trumpanzees shrieked “but freeze peach!” when der pumpkinführer got kicked off… everything. Anyway, it’s a safe bet those MAGA-hatted pinecones don’t know the history of free speech.

--On This Day in History, Shit Went Down: November 23, 1644--

John Milton wrote that it is “Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.” Fuck that. I’m much happier being a nobody living in Canada than the … I don’t know … Governor of Alabama? Anyway, Milton’s epic poem Paradise Lost is considered one of the greatest works of literature of all time, much to the chagrin of many English students forced to study it. But a few years before his tale of the Fall of Man, he wrote about how men should not be censored. Probably not women though, because it was 1644, after all. Titled Areopagitica, it was published on November 23, and it was controversial because this was a time when saying or writing the wrong thing could get you thrown in prison or even set on fire.

It was a speech written as a pamphlet and directed as a fuck you to the English Parliament, and it is widely recognized as the first passionate call to allow people to write whatever the fuck they want without government interference. Back then, books had to go through government censors before they could be published. Unlike nowadays, when you can publish your gay stegosaurus incest erotica, and no one bats an ass brain. Get it? The stegosaurus had … never mind. Continues below …

I once wrote about having a bearded dragon and I thought he drowned his ass brain while giving him a bath. Anyway, click the green button.

Milton’s pamphlet, which was able to get around the censorship by being a … pamphlet, was published in reaction to the English Licensing Order of 1643. The order wasn’t a new concept, but rather was a power grab by Parliament to replace a similar order that was under the control of the crown. The order allowed the government to seize and destroy any books that pissed them off, as well as imprison not only the authors, but also the printers and publishers. 

Milton had previously been the subject of censorship, having written that if a married couple fucking hates each other, then it should be okay for them to divorce. The government was full of hyper-religious fucknuts, so of course they didn’t like that.

The pamphlet explained something almost four centuries ago that dumbfucks on Twitter still don’t understand: freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences. It explained that men must take responsibility for their beliefs and their actions. The pamphlet wanted people to be given enough rope to hang themselves, if that was their desire, without ideas and information being contaminated by a small ruling elite.

The pamphlet was ignored by those in power. It would be half a century before freedom of the press would be permitted in England. Milton later had more of his works censored by King Charles II. He was even forced into hiding fearing execution for what he’d written. Modern laws regarding freedom of speech rely heavily on his Areopagitica.

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