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Not all guys named James are awesome. Case in point: James 2-7. The fuck is up with those numbers? He was James II for king of England, and VII for Scotland. I know, it’s confusing. What wasn’t confusing was that he was an autocratic cock and people said fuck this guy it’s time for a glorious revolution. His daughter is cool let’s put her in charge.
--On This Day in History, Shit Went Down: June 30, 1688--
The middle of the 17th century was a time of civil war in Britain, and the people were sick of that shit. So when James’s brother Charles died without a legitimate heir people were pretty cool about a clean transfer of power despite James being Catholic in a Protestant country. There was like rejoicing and shit. But then things quickly went to shit.
One issue was James saying fuck you Parliament get the fuck out of my face, trying to rule by decree. Another was that James finally had a son, who was to be raised Catholic. People had been willing to wait until James kicked it and his daughter Mary, who was 26 and Protestant, took over. But now that there was a Catholic son there was fear of a Catholic dynasty in England and that just wouldn’t fucking do. Also, James had started being a real assbasket to the Protestant Church of England.
Then, seven English nobles who are long dead but nonetheless were given the name “The Immortal Seven” sent a letter to Orange Bill. William of Orange. Whatever. William of Orange was a prince in what is now the Netherlands. And he was married to James’s daughter Mary. He was also totes Protestant. Orange Bill got a letter from the Seven on June 30, 1688. Although this was pre-Gregorian calendar so actually it was mid-July-who-fucking-cares.
The letter was an “Invitation.” It said Verily we doth invite thee Orange Bill to rid our fair land of this steaming sack of Catholic otter snot and you can be king instead because we like the way you pray. Bring an army.
And that’s what happened. It was a combination of an internal civil war and an external invasion that became known as the Glorious Revolution. Bill landed with his army and James’s army said ah fuck it and noped out and James ran away. Bill was crowned king as William III (but II in Scotland because of fucking course) and he ruled jointly with James’s daughter Mary II as queen.
The deposed James II, who ruled for less than four years, was the last Catholic king of England. He tried briefly to get it back, but they were all no backsies motherfucker you “vacated” and we’re all official and shit Parliament said so, so eat a bag of excrement. The important thing in all this is that it caused a transition away from that “divine right of kings” bullshit, instead favoring sovereignty derived by Parliament, which was an important step toward democracy in Britain.
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