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No one seems to remember that Sophie died too. That’s Archduke Franz Ferdinand’s wife. In the June 28, 1914 assassination by a member of the Serbian secret society “Black Hand” during a state visit to Bosnia, it wasn’t just the heir presumptive to the Austro-Hungarian throne who went down in a hail of gunfire, but the Duchess of Hohenberg as well. And then, war. A big one. A “Great War.”
--On This Day in History, Shit Went Down: June 28, 1914--
In modern analysis, Germany shoulders much of the blame for the outbreak of World War I. That’s because winners write history and also write things like the Treaty of Versailles that punished Germany after the war, contributing to a “Fuck you and fuck this treaty too” war two decades later. There was lots of militarism, imperialism, and ethnic nationalism involved in launching hostilities, but exactly how the assassination of one man and his wife triggered many millions more deaths is complicated.
The Black Hand is the more popular name, but it was also known as “Unification or Death.” Austro-Hungary annexed Bosnia and Herzegovina six years earlier, pissing off Serbian nationalists who believed those territories belonged to them. Austro-Hungary blamed the Serbian government for the assassination and declared war on them.
I mean, imagine this: You’re Austrian Emperor Franz Joseph I. Your younger brother is dead. Your son is dead. And now your nephew, the heir to the fucking throne, and his wife, are gunned down in the street in Sarajevo cuz some dumbass motherfucker in Ferdie’s motorcade took a wrong turn and stopped right in front of a 19-year-old Black Hand member who was basically, “Holy shit! There he is.” Pow! Pow! Pow! Note that this took place after the Black Hand had tried and failed to blow him up earlier in the day.
Where was I? Oh, the Emperor was pissed so fuck you Serbia.
Russia said, “No, they’re our friends. Fuck you.”
Austro-Hungary looked to Germany and said, “Lil’ help?”
Germany said, “We got you, fam.”
France said, “Well, we don’t actually like Russians, but they technically are our allies, so, well, fuck. War is fun. Game on, muthafuckas.”
Germany ignored Russia and went after France via Belgium because fuck waffles. England was all, “Not the waffles!” and joined the killing.
And then a bunch of other countries entered the fray on both sides, including the United States right at the tail end so they could say they saved Europe or some shit.
And that’s basically it.
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