On This Day in History: July 31

The author of Robinson Crusoe goes to prison for "seditious libel"

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You know how you can go on Twitter, call some high-ranking politician a semi-sentient sack of otter snot, even tag the brainless fucknuckle in it, and then not go to jail? Relish that freedom. Historically speaking, it’s kind of a new thing. The guy who wrote Robinson Crusoe dared to publicly insult the authorities, and they didn’t take kindly to it.

--On This Day in History, Shit Went Down: July 31, 1703--

Freedom of speech has limits. There is the whole yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theatre when there is no actual fire, and you’re also not allowed to spread lies or defame people, or utter threats. Daniel Defoe was a prolific English writer whose political ideas sometimes got him into a spot of trouble with those in power.

Sixteen years prior to the publication of Robinson Crusoe, which is second only to the Bible in terms of number of translations, Defoe was a shill for the government. He was paid to write in praise of the administration, which was admired about as much then as it is now. On a totally related note, fuck you, Fox News.

But unlike many mouthpieces, he played both sides. Where he got himself into some poo was the anonymous authoring of a satirical pamphlet titled The Shortest Way with the Dissenters. The political situation was one of upheaval. Queen Anne had recently ascended the English throne, and she launched attacks on “Nonconformists”: Protestants who dissented with the established Church of England. This included Presbyterians, Baptists, Calvinists, Methodists, Quakers, and others.

Defoe’s satirical piece was written from the perspective of a High Anglican zealot. Intended as mockery, it declared that dissenters should be banished abroad, and their preachers hanged. Neither the authorities nor the dissenters were amused, an investigation was launched, and Defoe was discovered as the author. He went into hiding and wrote a “Hey, I was just kidding” pamphlet, but that didn’t satisfy the crown. He was betrayed for the reward and part of his punishment for having been found guilty of “seditious libel” involved an hour a day in the pillory, for three days, beginning on July 31, 1703.

A pillory is that thing where you’re locked in public with head and hands exposed so people can throw nasty shit at you. According to legend, the audience instead threw flowers. Defoe was then sent off to prison and couldn’t pay his fine, so the Secret Service paid it for him in exchange for him becoming their spy.

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