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For the millennia between the 10th and 19th centuries, England went through three royal houses followed by sevendynasties. During that same time in France, a single dynasty ruled. Well, except for that brief interval when they were guillotining the shit out of people to see if their blood really was blue. The guy who started the dynasty was named Hugh.
--On This Day in History, Shit Went Down: July 3, 987--
The Muslims, who had conquered Spain, tried the same shit with France in the eighth century and Charles Martel said I don’t fucking think so and stopped them cold, consolidating the Carolingian dynasty that would rule France for 150 years, but then one of those Louis guys died without an heir. It was Louis V, if you’re curious. Damn but French royalty were fond of that name. How many Louis were there? How the fuck do you pluralize Louis? There were 18 of those motherfuckers. Although when speaking of European royalty, cousinfuckers might be more accurate.
Anyway, fucking Hugh. Hugh was descended from Charlemagne, which means Charles the Great, who was pretty great as far as conquering shit goes, so Hugh had that going for him. He also had an uncle named Otto the Great who had been Holy Roman Emperor, and shit even Hugh’s dad was a powerful duke named Hugh the Great. With all those sperm donors with “the Great” after their names, he chose his ancestors well.
But yeah Louis 5 died and there was no kid so people said how about this Hugh guy? He comes from a good family. So they elected Hugh king on July 3, 987, launching the Capetian dynasty. Oh, Hugh’s last name was Capet, FYI. There was a Carolingian named Charles who said no fucking way, I should be king and Hugh said I rather think not and chucked Chuck into the dungeon where he stayed until he died.
Hugh reigned for just shy of a decade. Many historians see his rule as the beginning of modern France. His house would last 350 years, but the Capetian dynasty ruled until the French Revolution when Louis XVI got his head removed from his body in 1793, ending a thousand years of absolute monarchy. His young son, Louis XVII, technically became king upon the death of his father, according to royalists who said fuck your revolution. But if he was king he was one without power. He was also just a sickly kid, and he only “reigned” for two years then died from complications due to tuberculosis.
The monarchy was restored in 1814 with the ascension of Louis (of fucking course) XVIII, then there were a couple more kings after him and the Capetian Dynasty finally came to an end in 1848.
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