Subscribers can listen to the audio version of today’s post here.
Confirmed by Pope Paul III in 1540, the Society of Jesus—the Jesuits—were “soldiers of God.” Proclaimed “the Government of the Church Militant,” they traveled the world to convince people by any means necessary just how fucking awesome Catholicism is. Nine years later, they made it all the way to Japan. Japan was not amused.
--On This Day in History, Shit Went Down: July 27, 1549--
Francis Xavier, who later got “Saint” added before his name because he did some shit and some dudes in funny hats said hey that shit he did? Totes miraculous. Beatify that bastard. Born in present-day Spain in 1506, Xavier was co-founder of the Jesuits. And right after the pope gave the society the thumbs up, King John of Portugal said my empire has way too many fucking heathens in it. Go make it more Jesus. And Francis hopped on a ship to do just that, becoming the first Jesuit missionary.
There weren’t any canals yet, so they traveled the long way via South Africa. They also hadn’t figured out the limes thing, so they were probably all scurvy as fuck when they arrived in India the following year. Xavier preached his way eastward for several years, eventually ending up in what is now Thailand. There he met a Japanese man named Anjirö who had fled Japan after being charged with murder. Francis said hey Jesus will forgive that shit and Anjirö became the first Japanese convert to Catholicism.
Anjirö taught Francis about his home and customs and Francis was all fuck yeah more heathen souls to save. Anjirö traveled with Francis to Japan to act as an interpreter, and they arrived on July 27, 1549, and Frank said alright motherfuckers I’m here to save your barbaric souls and most of them were all like fuck you are.
Since Francis was a representative of the King of Portugal, the daimyō of Satsuma said hey welcome to Japan and Francis said thanks man and got busy preaching his ass off in a big convert-o-rama of as many Japanese people as he could. A year later the daimyō said okay enough of that shit. Converting people to Christianity is now punishable by death. So it went underground.
Some areas of Japan were more tolerant of conversion, and over the next couple of years Francis saw other Jesuit missionaries established there then decided to head back to India, but he died in China along the way in 1552. By the end of the 16th century Japan was saying this Christianity shit is spreading we need to do something about it because we don’t like competition. So in 1597 they said hey you think crucifixion is cool? Fine. Die like your lord. And they crucified 26 Catholics in Nagasaki. The repression amped up and adherents were driven further underground. The Christian invasion made Japan paranoid and led to the Sakoku Edict of 1635, closing Japan from the outside world for the next 250 years. When Christian missionaries finally returned in the late 19th century, they found groups of “hidden Catholics” had survived their country’s persecution.
Support keeping this daily column free and get access to subscriber only content:
Get the book On This Day in History Sh!t Went Down.
Having lived in Japan for over 20 years, I can safely say that banning Christianity was one of the best decisions they've ever made.