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After 300 years of the Romanov dynasty ruling Russia, the family’s fortunes weren’t doing so hot because the commies were taking over and the family was imprisoned. Fearing they might be rescued, which would interfere with their glorious revolution, their enemies herded them all into a basement and shot and stabbed them to death.
--On This Day in History, Shit Went Down: July 17, 1918--
Near the end of 1917 the peasants were starving and Russia was bogged down in World War I and a bunch of people led by Vladimir Lenin said fuck this let’s have a revolution. The Red Army was the commies and the White Army was the establishment. The war lasted six years before the reds won, but they got to the business of snuffing out the royalty in the first year.
There had been a small revolution in early 1917 before the big “October” one. Quotations marks cuz different calendar fuckery. Anyway, it was the wimpy “February” revolution that was still enough to say fuck you, Romanovs, you’re now our prisoners. Off to Siberia! Then they were relocated to Yekaterinburg, about a thousand miles east of Moscow.
The commies were in control, but it wasn’t until June of 1918 that the people who liked things the way they were before said fuck your revolution we shall civil war you. The White Army, who supported the monarchy, was advancing on Yekaterinburg with the intent of rescuing the Romanovs. And that’s when Lenin (allegedly) said I don’t fucking think so. Waste those royal assholes.
Very early on July 17, 1918, Czar Nicholas II and Czarina Alexandra, their five children and four servants were awakened and moved to the cellar of the house where they’d been kept prisoner. It was explained that it was to protect them from the chaos about to engulf the city due to the civil war. We have a truck coming to take you to safety, they said. Yeah that was some bullshit.
Then the murder squad came in and revolutionary leader Yakov Yurovsky said, “Yo. Time to die.” Paraphrased. Nikolai said the fuck? Yurovsky repeated: “We’re gonna waste you cuz your family is being a dick.” Also paraphrased. Then it was a shoot-fest. There was so much smoke and noise that the squad was then told Jesus Christ cut out the fucking racket and finish them with bayonets. Oh, and Anastasia was one of the victims. The rumors of her escape are false.
The bodies were taken out to the middle of nowhere, dismembered, doused in acid, set on fire, and sealed in a pit with concrete. You know, just to make sure. They were worried about a cult of personality developing around the family, so they had to make sure they were extra dead. The Soviets didn’t admit to the murders until 1926.
Oh, they killed the family dogs too. Except for Alexie’s spaniel, Joy, who was rescued by a British officer, spending the rest of his life in Windsor, England. So… happy ending?
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