On This Day in History: February 7

The Bonfire of the Vanities

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The Bonfire of the Vanities was a mega-bestselling book and a really shitty movie. But the term did not originate from describing New York in the 1980s. It came from an actual bonfire in 15^th-century Italy where religious wingnuts set fire to “sinful” objects such as art, cosmetics, and even books.

--On This Day in History Shit Went Down: February 7, 1497--

De jure is Latin to describe something legally recognized. De facto is also Latin, meaning what happens in reality, regardless of law. Dominican friar Girolamo Savonarola didn’t have legal authority, but he was the de facto ruler of the Italian city of Florence from 1494 to 1498. And he was a fucking dick.

Perhaps not a complete dick. He did rail against corruption in the church, despotic rule, and exploitation of the poor, but he was way uptight about anything that wasn’t fiercely Christian. He prophesized Armageddon, which is something zealots often do, and when France invaded in 1494 and Florence was threatened a bunch of people said holy fucking shit it’s happening. So, at Savonarola’s urging, the local citizenry punted out the ruling Medici family and put him in charge by popular acclaim.

He said yo, under me Florence is gonna be the new Jerusalem, and more glorious and powerful and awesome than ever! And he went all puritanical more than 60 years before Puritans became a thing. New laws were passed cracking down on bum sex (even between husband and wife), adultery, and drinking. He also had his zealous youth followers patrol the streets to harass and beat people who dressed in ways the friar considered immodest.

The bonfire of the vanities wasn’t just the burning of books, art, and cosmetics. It was anything that might tempt one to “sin.” This included mirrors, musical instruments, playing cards, certain types of clothing, or anything considered secular in nature. Because if it wasn’t about the glory of Jesus it had to go. Set fire to that shit. And so they did on February 7, 1497.

The reigning pope wanted Florence to join his “Holy League” army to repel the French invaders and Giro said nah you’re on your own there pope and so the pope said well fuck you I’m excommunicating your ass. That happened a few months after the bonfire, but the Florentines continued to harbor Savonarola, who started preaching even crazier shit about how he could perform miracles. He also did some writing that inspired Protestant reformer Martin Luther. Eventually, however, people started to question his fuckery and in 1498 he was arrested and tortured into saying no I really can’t do miracles and I made up those prophecies and his captors decided to go karmic justice on his ass and set him on fire and he died.  

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