On This Day in History: February 4

George Washington is elected president of the U.S.

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On February 4, 1789, George Washington was unanimously elected by the U.S. Electoral College as President Numero Uno. First guy to be top guy. Except no. He wasn’t actually the first. There were others before him. A whole bunch of them. Wait, what?

--On This Day in History, Shit Went Down: February 4, 1789--

July 4 is celebrated as scare the shit out of your dog / terrorize veterans with PTSD / possibly lose some fingers day in America. The Declaration of Fuck You Britain happened on that day, in 1776. So, uh, who was running the show for the 13 years between then and 1789? Some white guys were, that’s who. You might even recognize a name or two.

Yeah, it wasn’t technically “president of the United States of America.” Before the Declaration of Independence there were four dudes who were president of the United States in Congress Assembled. Sixteen months after the declaration the U.S. came up with the Articles of Confederation and it changed to president of the Congress of the Confederation and there were a bunch of those dudes too. A name you might recognize, John Hancock, served two terms, one with each title.

Unlike when Georgie took the mantle, it was more of a ceremonial position, at least at first. As the war with Britain progressed and the foundling nation began to get its constitutional shit together, the position became more prominent. In 1781 John Hanson was elected and Washington sent him a note saying, “I congratulate your Excellency on your appointment to fill the most important seat in the United States.” So either George was a total kiss ass or it wasn’t completely a nothing job.

The Articles of Confederation were wimpy. Individual states had too much power and the central government too little. So they said fuck that let’s do a right and proper constitution so we can be an actual United States. The constitution that remains in effect today was ratified in June of 1788 and put into effect exactly one month after George was elected president.

Except when that constitution went into effect Washington didn’t know he was president, and he wouldn’t for another month. The election may have been in early February, but there was no Congressional quorum to count the votes. The count didn’t happen until April 5. Meanwhile, Washington had returned to his home in Mount Vernon. Then Congressional Secretary Charles Thomson showed up at his house and said hey you’re the prez and Washington was all Jesus Fuck Farts I like chillin’ at home and letting my slaves do all the work I don’t want the fucking job. Not precisely, but the spirit is there. And yes he did enslave people. Anyway, fucker was tired from fighting the Revolutionary War, but said fine okay I guess and he was inaugurated in New York on April 30 because Washington D.C. didn’t exist yet for what I hope are obvious reasons.

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