On This Day in History: February 13

Kim Jong-un has his older brother assassinated

AUDIO VERSION HERE

In the spring of 2020 a lot of people figured North Korean despot Kim Jong-un was dead. Turns out he wasn’t, but his older brother is, and it was his little brother who had it done. All because the guy wanted to visit Disneyland.

--On This Day in History Shit Went Down: February 13, 2017--

Eleven years older than Kim Jong-un, Kim Jong-nam had a different mother and was considered the heir apparent to the North Korean “throne” until 2001, when he answered the call of Mickey. Because North Korea sucks, Jong-nam made several clandestine visits to Japan, which does not suck. In 2001 he wanted to go to Tokyo Disneyland, but the jig was up. He was arrested at the Tokyo airport for traveling under a Chinese alias and using a forged Dominican Republic passport. He was deported to China, and his dad, who wasn’t exactly known for being an understanding sort of fellow, was all embarrassed and shit, and ended up canceling a state visit to China and that pissed him off.

This led to a loss of favor for Jong-nam, but according to Jong-nam the loss of favor was due to him advocating for reform, which was probably a crock of shit because he was a dick just like his dad and his younger brother so don’t go feeling sorry for him.

No longer wanted at home, by 2003 Jong-nam was living in exile in Macau. He had two wives and a mistress and half a dozen kids. He became an occasional critic of his homeland, and after his younger brother Jong-un took power upon the death of their father in 2011, Jong-nam met with a Japanese journalist to tell his story, which was published in a book. In it he said Jong-un was too inexperienced and predicted that the North Korean regime was doomed to collapse.

South Korean intelligence proclaimed that Jong-un had a standing order to assassinate Jong-nam, and there had been failed attempts, but on February 13, 2017, the attempts to snuff Jong-nam were no longer a failure. You know that nasty VX nerve agent stuff from the 1996 Nic Cage movie The Rock? The movie representation of VX was of course bullshit, but it does kill motherfuckers, and that’s what they used on Jong-nam. North Korean agents convinced a couple of innocent women in an airport in Malaysia to spray Jong-nam in the face with VX, which of course they had no idea that’s what was in the spray bottle given to them, then cover his mouth with a handkerchief. The two women were told it was all part of a “TV prank.” Doubtful Jong-nam found it funny, cuz he fuckin’ died.

In 2019 both the Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal reported that Jong-nam had been an informant for the CIA.

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