On This Day in History: February 11

Gerrymandering

AUDIO VERSION HERE

Why are there so many shitty people in politics? Simple: It takes a shitty person to be willing to do anything, no matter how shitty, to win. And when you’re the type of shitty person willing to do all sorts of shitty things to win, you often do. What kinds of shitty things? How about gerrymandering a political district? Know who authorized that? A shitty guy named Gerry.

--On This Day in History Shit Went Down: February 11, 1812--

Congress in the U.S. is two different houses: The Senate, and the House of Representatives (AKA the House). The Senate has its own fuckery, what with Wyoming’s 586,000 people getting two senators and California’s over 39 million people also getting only two senators. But you can’t use gerrymandering to win a senate seat, unless it’s to win a statesenate race, which is how this bullshit began. At the federal level, it’s about winning a seat in the House.

The fuck is gerrymandering? Imagine this. You want to win an election. The district you’re fighting for has this small city just outside it that you know is full of people who like you (or, more likely, prefer the party you’re running for). And if that city becomes part of your district the race will swing in your favor. What do you do? Your party engages in legal fuckery to redraw those district lines to include that little city and you win!

Said fuckery was the responsibility of Elbridge Gerry, who was such a dick he pronounced his last name with a hard g, like Gary instead of Jerry. And at first, they pronounced it like garymander but then people realized that was stupid and went soft g. Anyway, this fucking guy.

He’d been a congress critter two decades previous and more recently governor of Massachusetts. I’m being a bit hard on him, because it was his party (called Democratic-Republicans) that pushed for the redrawing of districts for the state senate race, and he was opposed, yet also a wimp. He gave in to the pressure, and as governor signed the legislation on February 11, 1812. And it worked like a motherfucker, netting the Dem-Reps 29 seats and the Federalist party only 11. Haha you got pwned.

The editor of the Boston Gazette looked at one of the new districts and said that looks like some kind of fucked up salamander and created the portmanteau gerrymander, publishing the word for the first time on March 26, 1812.

Gerry went on to become the fifth vice-president of the United States.

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