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You know the guy who did an amazing job playing Dumbledore in the first two Harry Potter films, but then he died and got a mediocre replacement? That actor—the dead one—was in a 1970 film about English “Lord Protector” Oliver Cromwell. When we lost Richard Harris, many were devastated. Conversely, when England lost Cromwell, they later dug him up and “posthumously executed” him, because fuck that guy.
--On This Day in History Shit Went Down: December 16, 1653--
Between 1642 and 1651, England was at war with itself. On one side were the Parliamentarians, who fought to achieve a constitutional monarchy against the Royalist forces of King Charles I, who were all about that “divine right of kings” absolute monarchy bullshit. There had been other civil wars in England’s history, but those were more about whoshould rule. This one was more about how the country should be ruled.
Cromwell was a Puritan, ugh, who believed God was totes on his side. A long-time member of parliament, he climbed through the officer ranks to become a general and won a series of battles to play a critical role in the Parliament army’s victory over the forces of the Royalists.
After kicking some Royalist ass, they put King Chuck (played by Alec Obi-Wan Kenobi Guinness in the film) on trial and decapitated his ass. Cromwell was one of the signatories of the death warrant; it was the first time an English king had been executed, but it wasn’t over. Dead Chuck had a son, Charles II, who was currently king of Scotland, so the fight continued on with the Royalists having the son of their dead royal to rally behind. Two years of more fighting, during which Cromwell also went genocidal against Catholics in Ireland, and Chucko Numero Dos was defeated and exiled.
And for a short time, there was a thing called the Commonwealth of England, in which Cromwell played a leading role. But he got pissed how the government was being run, considering it useless, and dissolved the parliament by force. Then, on December 16, 1653, he became what he loathed, a de facto king as “Lord Protector” of England. And just like a king, when he died in 1658 from natural causes, his son took over. But the second Lord Protector was short-lived, although not literally. The Royalists surged back into power, and Cromwell Jr., who unlike his dad was a total wimp, fled to France and lived a long life mostly in exile.
On the 12th anniversary of his dad being executed, the restored monarch King Charles II wanted some payback on his father’s killer. He had Oliver Cromwell dug up, hung in chains, and beheaded. Cromwell remains a controversial figure in English history.
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