On This Day in History: August 16

Battle of Acosta Ñu

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There are myriad examples of humanity’s ability to suck. One that often repeats is when a country is at war, and starts to run out of men, they send their children into battle.

--On This Day in History, Shit Went Down: August 16, 1869--

Paraguay is a landlocked country in the middle of South America, and starting in 1864 it got itself into some deep shit with the beginning of the War of the Triple Alliance. Paraguay was in said excrement because it had no alliance. It was defending against countries on three sides: Brazil, Argentina, and Uruguay. It was the deadliest inter-state war in Latin American history, with the Paraguayans doing the majority of the dying.

Earlier in the 19th century the South American continent had fought for its independence from Spain and Portugal. Afterward, there were numerous territorial disputes between the various new nations. “This land is ours. That’s the border.” “No, THAT is the border. THIS is ours.” “Says who?” “Says us.” “Fuck you.” “No, fuck you.” Etc.

Anyway, the War of the Triple Alliance was about territory, and Paraguay, despite being a small country, had a significant military, but simply didn’t have the numbers to win against the alliance. After five years of fighting, Paraguay was devastated and the capital city of Asunción was under enemy occupation, yet the Paraguayan president refused to yield. And so, on August 16, 1869, the nation sent her children to her defense at the Battle of Acosta Ñu.

The Paraguayan “force” of a mere 3,500 was poorly armed and mostly comprised of boys age nine to 15—many wearing false beards thinking it might frighten their opponents—along with some old men and injured soldiers. They faced 20,000 battle-hardened veterans of the Brazilian army.

Guess how that went.

The Brazilian commander, to his credit, told his emperor the war was militarily over and to let it go. The emperor wanted an official surrender, so he said fuck that kill them all. The commander resigned, and the emperor put his son-in-law in charge.

It wasn’t a battle; it was a slaughter. Children clung to the legs of Brazilian soldiers, begging for mercy, only to be cut down. Many tried to flee, but the emperor’s douche-in-law used his cavalry to cut off their retreat and set fire to the field, burning many of the children alive.

The war finally ended eight months later, with Paraguay having lost 40% of its territory. August 16 is commemorated as a national holiday in Paraguay called Children’s Day.

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