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Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck! Oh, FUCK! Oh fucking fuck fuck. Oh Jesus Mother Christ fuck. Oh fucking shit we’re so fucked fuck. Oh fuck I never even got the chance to fuck anyone fuck. That’s what I imagine the sailors of the Swedish warship Vasa were saying when it sank a mere 20 minutes into its maiden voyage. Oops.
--On This Day in History, Shit Went Down: August 10, 1628--
King of Sweden Gustavus Adolphus was at war with Poland-Lithuania and launched a military expansion to meet the threat. The Vasa was built by private entrepreneurs beginning in 1626, and she was a beautiful clusterfuck of a ship. Richly decorated and heavily armored with bronze cannons, with 64 guns Vasa had one of the greatest offensive capabilities of any ship of the time. She was also top-heavy as shit, making her dangerously unstable.
The Swedish king was in Poland at the time, demanding that his new flagship set sail to help in the war effort. The peons back home were reluctant to say, “Uh, King Gus, this ship might have some issues . . .”
And so, on August 10, 1628, Vasa set sail just south of Stockholm. The day had a light breeze. The gun ports were open to fire a salute honoring the maiden voyage. But as the ship left the lee of the bluffs, a strong gust of wind filled her sails and the Vasa heeled rapidly to port. The sailors acted quickly to cast off the lines holding the sails (called sheets), and the ship righted. But a short time later an even stronger gust hit the sails, the ship heeled even more onto its port side, and the open gun ports submerged.
That’s bad.
Water rushed into the gundeck, down into the hold, and the ship quickly sank in water a hundred feet deep, a mere 400 feet from shore. The upper masts were still above the water, which survivors clung to. Ships were quickly dispatched in a rescue effort, but 30 sailors died in the sinking.
A crowd of several hundred people watched the debacle unfold. Upon learning what happened the king was, of course, ever so pissed. There was an inquiry, but no one was punished. The ship was recovered in 1961 and preserved as a museum. Today, it is the most visited museum in all Scandinavia.
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The opening of this entry reminds me of the opening of William Shakespeare's The Tempest, but with more fucks.
And of course, the shipbuilders thought the ship was invasabule to sink... Ba dum tisssh
I'll let myself out.