On This Day in History: April 14

The 4 Dead in 5 Seconds Gunfight

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The tale of the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral has been told many times, but not the Four Dead in Five Seconds Gunfight. It’s pretty hilarious, so long as you find people getting their balls blown off to be funny. Confession: I find it funny.

--On This Day in History, Shit Went Down: April 14, 1881--

The one innocent guy dying isn’t funny. It happened in El Paso, Texas. The background is that American cattle rustlers stole 30 head from Mexico. Two Mexican vaqueros named Sanchez and Juarique went looking, found the cattle at the ranch of Johnny Hale, and two of his staff, Pervey and Fredericks, murdered the vaqueros. Then 75 armed Mexicans crossed the border looking for their friends. El Paso Constable Krempkau said I bet it was that Hale fucker and led the posse to Hale’s ranch where the bodies of the vaqueros were found.

Pervey and Fredericks were heard bragging about the murders and the men were arrested. The immediate situation defused, the Mexican posse returned home with their men to bury them. But Hale was pissed at Krempkau, and also pissed to the gills on drink. It was April 14, 1881. Hale was with his friend and former town Marshal George Campbell when Krempkau entered the saloon. Hale was unarmed so he grabbed one of Campbell’s two guns and shot Krempkau. The five seconds were ticking.

Krempkau collapsed next to the saloon door and pulled his own gun. U.S. Marshal Dallas Stoudenmire, a noted gunfighter who was only on his third fucking day on the job, heard the shot from across the street and came running, blasting away with his two .44 caliber Smith & Wesson revolvers. The first man he killed was an innocent bystander named Ochoa who was running for cover. Oops. Then Stoudenmire shot Hale right between the eyes. Nice. Then Krempkau, who was in the process of dying, shot Campbell—who hadn’t fucking shot anyone but had drawn his other gun—in the gun, breaking his wrist and causing him to drop his gun. Krempkau also shot Campbell in the foot. Campbell screamed and reached for his dropped gun but then Stoudenmire shot Campbell in the stomach. “You big son of a bitch!” Campbell yelled. “You murdered me!” Both Campbell and Krempkau died in the next few minutes. Witnesses said from first shot to last was only five seconds.

What about the balls? Three days later a friend of Hale and Campbell named James Manning convinced former deputy Bill Johnson to assassinate Stoudenmire. Johnson had recently been publicly humiliated by Stoudenmire so he was all fuck it why not? But first, he needed liquid courage. That was a mistake. When he jumped up from a hiding place with a shotgun his drunken legs wobbled and his blast went above Stoudenmire’s head.

Stoudenmire returned fire with eight rounds, but only one connected, blowing Johnson’s nutsack off. Johnson died of blood loss minutes later. Like the O.K. Corral, this launched a feud. But unlike Wyatt Earp, Stoudenmire didn’t survive it. He died in a shootout 16 months later.

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