Important Update Exclusively for the Paid Subscribers

With a mention of nipples

My basement is fucking freezing, because it’s a basement. That’s where my office is, and it does have a space heater, but I’m about to jump on the treadmill and so I want it to be cold. I’m about to jump on the treadmill instead of going outside because we’ve been in a freeze-melt cycle and my neighborhood is a goddamn skating rink.

Anyway, I’m procrasti…