I finally found the answer to a nagging question

This is stupid. 

This isn’t about life’s big questions. Last year, with the switch to writing about history, I finally figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. Although at 52 I still don’t feel very grown up. Case in point: Everything I’ve ever written. 

But this question has bothered me for years. Not years, decades. It’s nagged and nagged and I’v…